De-escalation YouTube Resources:
De-Escalation Techniques
The need to de-escalate a situation can come at any moment, at any place and in any circumstance. The most important question you need to ask yourself first and foremost, is it your responsibility to be or get involved. And if we find ourselves in a position to attempt to de-escalate or a calm a situation/person, there are 5 key factors that you must develop to be effective.
Self-Awareness – You must be aware of your capabilities and keep those in mind when dealing with any king of conflict. As we develop our self-awareness skills, we become comfortable with our limitations and understand the moment in time that decisions need to be made that will be most effective in safely ending a conflict.
Self-Confidence – The development of self-confidence is important in every facet of our lives, and for most of us, it is the most challenging. Developing self-confidence is something we must consciously do, daily and do to it we must value ourselves and embrace the passion of personal growth.
Listen – The most important skill of communication is listening. Much of the world has more interest in talking then listening. The way we learn, specifically about others is through our listening skills. And if you want to be successful at control others behavior or in de-escalating a situation it is imperative to take the time to listen. The problem being presented to you is not the only problem that person is facing, trust me, there are much deeper problems then what they are outwardly angry about.
Knowing Your Capabilities – You don’t need to be 10 feet tall and bullet proof, in fact, the least intimidating you come across, with your physical and communicative presence, the easier it might be to calm someone down. That said, if you a 5 foot nothing and weigh 95 pounds, you must be aware of what you are capable of doing. As we mentioned above, by developing your own self-awareness and your self-confidence, this will allow you to honestly evaluate your skill levels on every front. Even outside the subject of de-escalation, self-confidence and self-awareness will help you develop so much more and push you toward more purpose and meaning in life.
Conviction to Take Action – At some point all the preparation, planning, listening and self-reflection needs to end and action needs to be taken. If you have injected yourself into a situation of conflict or one has found you, the ability to read the entire situation, identify the right path to take and to have the self-confidence to take that action, must take place or really, what’s the point of involvement?
When we react to a situation we’ve already lost, that situation or event has already controlled you. But, when we respond and respond the right way, we can quickly control any situation. Reacting can be a knee jerk, impulsive action that is not based on a safe outcome to the situation, but rather a reaction to getting our feelings hurt or feeling personally attacked. When we are facing an irate, agitated, or angry person, their anger, most times, has nothing to do with you personally. This of course is assuming that we are dealing with an upset customer, patient or stranger that crosses our paths professionally. Sometimes we find ourselves confronted with a hostile situation or irritated stranger in public, like the grocery store, pharmacy, or DMV. We must understand that these people are not angry because of or at us personally, we just happen to be that person they are venting to, all be it, unreasonably.
Keys To A Successful Resolution:
Remember to Stay Calm and resist the temptation to speak your mind or talk over the person
It’s imperative to be patient and listen. By listening and observing before speaking we can learn so much
Observe the entire situation and the big picture. Avoid tunnel vision at all costs
Practice keeping a safe distance. At least 2 arms lengths are a good start
Note your exits or ways of escape and clear, (if you can) a path just in case you need to use it. Do this in a way as to not raise suspicions.
Size up the scene or area, be aware of potential weapons that could be found in arms reach.
Keep an on their hands, if they are empty, are they clenched or do they become clenched? Do his/her hands go into a pocket or places you can see or don’t know what they can grab. This is a dangerous sign and you must be on high alert. Consider creating more distance, or safely leaving the area all together.
The problem that is being verbalized is not the only problem in this person’s life; They may be mad that the doctor is taking too long, or the barista messed up their coffee, but their anger and mental health issues do not stem from that alone. Therefore, it’s vital to be aware of deeper issues.
Empathy is not only friend, but our secret weapon. Most people just want to be heard, they want to be understood and find someone that can relate. Even if you think their complaint or issues is nonsense, or completely off base, what harm will come phrases like, “I get it,” or “I understand,” “I’d be pissed too.”
Your mom was wrong, sometimes it’s okay to lie. In times of conflict, unsafe situations or in the face of completely unreasonable and unpredictable people, being dishonest for self-preservation and control of the situation is sometime the key to victory.
The Realities of Conflict
Remember:
Those thinking irrationally or acting upon impulse of anger, do not play by a set of rules. They are capable of any type of action, whether that be violent or increased verbal aggression, at any time.
You must be prepared mentally to throw your moral codes and societal rules out the window if the situation becomes physically aggressive and you need to either, A. Defend yourself or B. Evacuate the area immediately and call 911.
Always have a back up plan, always stay aware and always keep your distance.
With any conflict or interaction with an unreasonable and agitated person or situation, your personal safety is the most important concern you have. Weigh the consequences of your involvement and be honest about your capabilities to handle it. Remember that calling 911 is always an option, the police and emergency personnel are at work to go to work, let them help if the need arises.
When we are confronted with unsafe and unreasonable people or situations, stop believing in social norms, personal boundaries, and the status quo of your normal routine. All of that is out the window, you are now in a situation where you need to de-escalate the situation, or using a common phrase flight, fight or freeze. Regardless, you must show the initiative to take action, this is the situation you are confronted with, you’re in it, no what will you do?
We see conflict and our ability to de-escalate in 7 stages. 7 stages that each should take you no longer than you need to process the importance of each stage. The more you practice this, the more you learn about de-escalation skills and the power we each have with our ability to observe and communicate, the better you will get.
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