No One Is Coming To Save You. Stand Up. Be Your Own Hero!
If your life was a book, what would the name of your current chapter be?
At 47 years old, I feel like I’m just now reaching the end of the Preface, but after a recent ordeal, I think the title of this posts encapsulates my current mindset and life chapter.
It was at this age that I finally realized that I need to truly stop allowing others to dictate my present and future, whether by direct or indirect influence.
I was neck deep in a process of applying and interviewing for a promotion to Deputy Chief within a department I had served for 24 years. The process took time from my family, my school studies, and my business, but I was committed to investing the time with the intent of obtaining a position that would give me more opportunities to create positive changes for the men and women I worked alongside. Finally, I could make a real difference.
The chief asked if I was interested in being involved with the promotional process. My answer was a clear and swift YES, as long as the process would be fair and he would seriously consider me for the position. I explained that if I am going to do something, I am going to commit 100%. That meant that I would sacrifice valuable time with my family.
He assured me that each candidate involved had a fair shot and the process would move quickly. So I dove in, studying for multiple hours each day. I developed healthier habits like drinking more water and increasing my daily steps. I even downloaded an app designed to keep your brain in excellent function. This went on for over six months.
The process dragged and rumors of a political pissing match started to surface. The first interview eliminated half the candidates. The rest of us would have to wait six more weeks for the next round of interviews. Suddenly, a process that was assured to be quick was moving at a snail’s pace, and the waiting game was the most brutal part.
Maybe today I’ll hear something, I thought to myself, afraid to leave my phone in another room for too long. Days, then weeks passed without a word. My life was on hold. My family suffered, our summer vacation plans first stalled then sputtered out. And it all felt so stupid.
Finally, the word came down and the chief called me into his office to let me know that there would be no promotion due to a budget freeze.
Is this real life? I thought to myself, incredulous. 24 years of service dedicated to helping others. You tangle this carrot, I put the time and effort in, and then bam, nothing.
Part of me was relieved because at least I had some information. With that relief came less pressure, but more confusion. I was disappointed, lost, and wondering in a stupor, What do I do now?
That’s when the spiral truly began. My alcohol consumption peaked. I mean, why not? It’s summer. I detached my Fitbit from my wrist and removed the brain app from my phone. Goodbye, motivation, as I begrudgingly shifted my focus toward the potential of retirement in twelve-months.
The reality was sinking in. I’ll be forty-eight years old, and what will I do then? Maybe something mindless, like putting stickers on fruit at Stop & Shop.
I woke up hungover each morning, bored and waiting for the day to end so that I could start drinking again and fall into an alcohol-induced slumber. I lost motivation to work overtime hours, and overdue bills started to accumulate. But I simply did not care.
What’s the point? I felt like I wasted my entire career, my entire adult working life, just to go out with a whimper.
What was my legacy? Where was my happiness?
One morning I woke up, clear-headed but exhausted, it was 0445 hours on a Tuesday morning, and I was expected to be at work at 0600 for a double shift. 16 hours in uniform.
I made my coffee, sat in my recliner, and turned on the news to hear the same old bullshit. I took a shower, donned my uniform, grabbed my bag, and set off to work. I loaded up my gear, secured my rifle, attended roll call,…the same shit every day. The only difference was that I had totally lost my motivation.
In the cruiser, my phone automatically connects my Bluetooth. And on that day, it began to play the song that my sons and I were listening to the day before…
Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted to, in one moment, would you capture it, or just let it slip?
That’s odd, I thought to myself, as that old initial burst of motivation seemed to knock upon my soul’s door.
I used this song as part of my motivational process to prepare for the deputy chief spot. What if there’s more for me? What if the direction I was headed in wasn’t the direction for me? What if my purpose on earth is to motivate others to climb out from their own pits of despair, to dig through the inconsequential everyday distractions and find that path that will help them reach personal fulfillment? Which in turn, may just make me feel fulfilled.
What if I took my inner motivation, my drive, my work ethic and focused it on my own personal development, creating a life that was meant for me? Holy shit, what if?
So here I go, is my shot, feet, fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got. You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
- “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Tell me in the comments, what chapter are you in? What is it called?